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Tuesday, June 10th, 2008
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9:40 am
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Wow... I forgot this journal even existed :P oops
It provided some valuable information as to when I actually met my boyfriend tho :)
but ya... still alive... I'll give anyone that cares the rundown...
Still in school, going to University of Washington Majoring in Psych - finishing my junior year
Working in a psych ward at a local Hospital
Practically living with aforementioned boyfriend...
Errr... otherwise? not much... just dealing with all of the above :P
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| Monday, May 28th, 2007
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4:12 am
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Hey all... I am just writing to let any of you that still care I'm still alive... I've got another journal that I keep (sometimes) now and kinda forgot about this one for quite a while... oops
So if you're interested in befriending me on that other journal shoot me off an email and I will see what I can do about getting you the new journal name
my email is azraelvictoria at gmail. com
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, March 5th, 2006
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5:51 pm - ALL POINTS BULLETIN
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I NEED 1 TICKET TO THE FLOGGING MOLLY CONCERT ON TUESDAY, MARCH 7, 2006.
If anyone knows someone who is selling a ticket to this show PLEASE have them call me... if you don't have my number email me at christineeliza1983@yahoo.com and I'll give it to you.
current mood:  anxious
current music: Flogging Molly - Grace of God Go I
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| Monday, February 6th, 2006
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7:45 pm
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As neccessary.
You scored 23% Cold and 76% Level-Headed! |
| If threatned, you will respond with equivalent force, and most likely have the nerves to carry you through the act. |
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My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 9% on Cold |
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You scored higher than 95% on Level-Headed |
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, January 22nd, 2006
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11:55 pm
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ok. I'm officially depressed.
How is it that someone can work 40 hours a week 11 and a half months of the year and not be able to (within reason) afford to move into their own appartment? They take $400 out of my paycheck in taxes and insurance a month! If I didn't have insurance or taxes... I'd be able to afford it... If I were able to find a better paying job... I'd be able to afford it. As it is I can only afford to put out 500 a month and that has to include utilities. Where am I going to find that? even if it is just a room in someones house... and with that figured they have to be okay with me having people sleep over... because otherwise it would be just like living at my parents place anyways. Then add the fact that I need to stay in the north seattle area... *flump*
I thought by the time I was 22 I would not be living at my parents place still.
The more I think about it the more depressing it becomes. I just want to cry out of pure frustration.
current mood:  depressed
current music: Creed - What's This Life For?
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| Friday, September 2nd, 2005
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1:00 am
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| Monday, August 29th, 2005
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2:43 am
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| Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
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9:24 pm
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So I've been thinking about it a lot lately and I think I need a life change. Happiness is not something I feel on a regular basis, anyone who really knows me knows this all too well.
I whine about it a lot on here, and I appologize for that in a way. At the same time I don't feel that bad about it because this is my place, and if anyone judges me by this alone they aren't worth my time.
So anyways, not happy. My life isn't where I expected it to be... or where I hoped it would be. This is a common thing, I know, but I'm talking in the most basic of things. I need my own place, to go back to school, to make a better wage than $11.00 an hour so that I can achieve these not so grandiose goals. The problem is that I've got a job that pays well enough to fund what I'm doing in my life right now and I'm not really planning ahead. I'm not saving. That is so stupid.
Then that's not even mentioning the bigger goals in my life. I know this sounds completely uncharacteristic of me but I want to be successful in life, and I'm starting to think that success doesn't mean financially to me anymore. I want to find someone who has prospects for the future. I'm getting tired of the meaningless sex thing. I want someone who wants to be a father, who wants to be a husband. Someone who loves me for me and doesn't want me to change the way that I act just because I'm with them. It's really starting to get wearing that a lot of people that I'm around keep trying to change who I am. I acknowledge that there are some things about me that NEED to change but that's no ones responsibility but MINE to do. You can't force me into it and you can't brow beat me into it either. When I want to change I will... and not a second earlier. (woo mini rant).
It's so hard for me to admit that I want to find love because I'm so fucking afraid of falling in love. It's probably one of my biggest fears. The saddest part is that it's also one of the things I long for the most in life. I just want love and a happy home. I don't want to die alone. It's so stupid that I should be thinking about this so early in my life but I'm afraid.
current music: Dixie Chicks - Traveling Soldier
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| Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
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2:31 pm
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Seaside is beautiful. Not quite paradise on earth but close to it.
We are on Vacation here for the next few days and wow... it's amazing how much stress can melt away when you have the ocean and a good cold margarita :)
In other news JuneFaire was freakin awesome! One big party which really started the vacation off right. Saw some old friends and met a whole bunch of new ones.
My brother bought a new stunt kite that we've been having copious amounts of fun with... so I went and bought my own... which I'm sure will bring much entertainment in the months to come... anyone wanna go to gasworks park with me and fly it? :P
Anyhow... I think that's it for right now. I don't really have a lot to say... other than that life is great in Seaside... I'll be moving here one day :)
Adios
current mood:  relaxed
current music: some girls headphones... sounds kinda... annoying
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| Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
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3:29 pm
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6:27 am
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Highly highly highly considering getting a tattoo today of the Eyes of Horus the Elder on the back of my neck...
any thoughts?
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 13th, 2005
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5:12 pm
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| Monday, April 4th, 2005
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12:02 am
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This isn't the first time I've put these lyrics in here... but they struck me as particularly poiniant tonight given the bad decisions I've made in the last 48 hours and the revelations that have come from that.
Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
current mood:  discontent
current music: Baz Luhrmann - Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)
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| Thursday, March 31st, 2005
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6:32 pm
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| Sunday, March 27th, 2005
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3:01 pm
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I realized that I hadn't updated my car story since the middle of the morning on last sunday... so here's the rest of the story.
I ended up spending about 4 hours on the phone trying to find out where the car had been towed too and when I could go to get it and if it was able to be towed by a tow bar or what. I was also on the phone to my brother and J at the same time trying to figure out somehow to get the car home and fixed.
We finally figured out where the car was and (oh so luckily) my mom has AAA so we got it towed for free from marysville to my house. We went up there and met the guy from Harry's towing and the guy from Specialty towing and got the car out for the oh so low price of $300 (facepalm) and got it home. On the way home I was talking to the guy from Specialty towing and he said that Harry's towing was the shadiest assholes he's ever dealt with. The car was actually in AWESOME condition for the accident it went through. The drivers side front tire was blown and the rim was bent to shit and it wouldn't start. So the specialty guy said that if I got a rim and tire and put some gas in it he bet it would start... he said the guys from Harrys have been known to syphon tanks before. So we went and got some gas and tried to start it but for some reason the starter wasn't disengaging. So on tuesday my dad dropped me off at work and the car was still messed up well... unbeknownst to me he went and fixed the car and picked me up in it as a surprise.... needless to say I was psyched.
So my car is fixed (for the time being... god only knows what else is wrong with it)... and I'm happy..
That was last weekend for me :)
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| Sunday, March 20th, 2005
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11:27 am
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my car has been found but it has either been driven through a fence or a house depending on who you talk to.
It's 180 an hour for the towing company to extract the car and it's going to take 2 hours... plus whatever impound fees they decide to tack on and the likelyhood is that the car is totalled and not worth even paying the towing fees on...
This sucks
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, March 19th, 2005
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5:12 am
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| Sunday, March 13th, 2005
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10:44 pm
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Why is it that when I'm always gone from home I want to just sit at home and chill but when no one calls and I have nothing to do I want to be out doing something? God I must just be never happy. :P
So I got my tat worked on yesterday. That was pretty cool actually getting to watch him do it (both other times I've gone under the needle I wasn't able to watch because it was either on my back or I was laying down)... there must be some sort of psychological thing that when you see it happening it hurts more or something... because I swear to god it hurt pretty freakin bad this time. Hey all.. wanna little cheese with that whine? :P
So today was kind of a shitty day all in all. Sleep was apparently not my specialty last night because I don't think I got very good sleep. I had a few upsetting dreams and I've been mopey all day because of it. I dreamt that J started going out with some girl and didn't want anything to do with me until they broke up then started to talk to me again because I was a good fallback girl. I know how lame right... but it still really upset me all day long. I really want to be with him... and sometimes it seems like he wants to be with me too but he doesn't do anything about it... and it's driving me nucking futs!
I know this sounds lame but all I really want is someone who is a friend first but someone I also know who cares about what happens to me. With all the friends that I have I can think of less than a handful that probably actually care... or at least that's how it feels.
I've said this before but I really do think that a therapist is in my future. I'm hitting a downward spiral again... and quick. Once the health insurance comes through I'm considering taking a visit to a therapist. More and more I start to realize how much emotional shit I really do need to work through and how I can't do it by myself. I used to be able to maintain my mood pretty well. I used to be able to regulate myself... but I've lost control lately. I need to learn how to be a happy person.
I need a drink.
current mood:  drained
current music: 50 Cent Feat Olivea - Candy Shop
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, March 7th, 2005
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6:05 pm - LOL
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sex is a sensation, caused by a temptation, a guy sticks his location, in a girls destination to increase population for the next generation do u get my explanation or do u need a demonstration?
current mood:  horny
current music: Reel Big Fish - Fuck Off Song
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, February 27th, 2005
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5:24 am
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So ya... hey :)
It's 5:20am and I can't possibly sleep any longer. I fell asleep yesterday at about 4pm and slept until about 3:30am this morning. I somewhat wish I could go back to bed and sleep the rest of today away but I have to leave for work in about 20 minutes. Oh well...
I got a new position at work. Yay me. I start in a week or so. It's called Rehab Tech which basically means Therapy's bitch... administrative assistant... however you want to look at it. It basically means a sizable pay raise, weekends off... paid holidays, more vacation... better benefits etc etc etc.
Nothing else is really going on. I've been spending a lot of time with J but that has kinda gotten weird lately. It kinda seems like he's in some sort of funk... but of course he's not going to talk about it so I really have no way of knowing. I guess he'll figure it out by himself... and when he does he'll call me. *shrug* I like him a lot and would love to date him one day... but I'm not gonna persue it really... if he feels the same way he'll make the first move.
I think I need to go rent A Goofy Movie. The soundtrack is pretty awesome. Alas no money though.... :/
Can't wait for payday...
and with that I really need to get going to work... sorry this was kind of a lame update.
current mood: lonely
current music: A Goofy Movie - Eye To Eye
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